if her legs aren’t shaking when you’re done then you’re not done
Concerts are such a surreal experience, I mean, you’re singing your favorite songs with a band or singer that means the world to you and you’re literally in the same room as them. I will never stop loving concerts.
And also, you’re with all these people that love the artist like you do. And you’re all sweaty and singing together. You’ll probably never see or speak to those people again, but for that night, you bond with them. The energy. God, the fucking energy at a live show is unlike anything else.
I’m lonely. What kind of loneliness? Every kind. I feel disconnected. Abandoned. As always. Repetition. So what, my love? So what? At first, I just wanted to run away. Now I have no where else to run to, nothing to run from. I don’t belong anywhere, I don’t want to go anywhere, I just want to be happy.
Everyone has a 2am and a 2pm personality. I’m more interested in the monster you become at 2am rather than the human being you pretend to be at 2pm.
You say: I dated her a while back. You don’t say: Sometimes, when i’m holding you, i imagine the smell of her vanilla perfume.
You say: She was younger than me.
You don’t say: The sixteen summers in her bones warmed the eighteen winters my skin had weathered.
You say: It’s nothing now.
You don’t say: But it was everything then.
Come lay with me. I wanna talk about nothing with someone that means something.
It’s okay to be soft when the rest of the world is rough. It’s okay that you’re easily upset. It’s okay that you get hurt easily. It’s not a bad thing that you feel so much.
It’s okay that your hands shake.
It’s okay that you like dirty mirrors and blurry pictures better than crisp images of yourself because you’re so used to being a ghost. It’s okay to not feel real sometimes.
You don’t have to be pretty when you cry. It’s okay that your mind plays tricks on you so often that you have no idea what you actually look like.
Remind yourself that it is okay to disconnect. It’s okay to take time to recharge.
It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be lonely and to be vulnerable.
It’s okay to hate yourself but only if you remind yourself that it is not permanent. It’s okay to be sad as long as you remind yourself that it is not permanent.
As long as you are alive, you are growing, changing. I think the world is changing as much as I am because the trees outside my window don’t look the same as they did yesterday. I don’t think I will ever be the same person I was when I was at my worst.
Know that honesty is the easiest way to heal.
So maybe you don’t hate who you are now. You hate who you were yesterday. Your mind hasn’t caught up with your soul.
Promise me, promise me you’ll remind yourself that it’s okay to be yourself tomorrow.
Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody is fucking happy. Nobody has skin made from oil paint and sunlight. Nobody fucking understands this world. Fuck, nobody probably understands math as much as they claim. You’re here one day and the next you’re not. God? Religion? I’ve learned a lot more about the world by eating acid and swallowing pills. Tell me what your church has done for you? Tell me if you have holes in your mouth from speaking lies? Wanna know the fucking truth? Pity is just another word for pathetic. Drink beer and watch the sunrise from every rooftop. Take photographs naked. Take photographs kissing. Take photographs having sex. Stop making everything about sexuality. Wanna know the fucking truth? Nobody really gives a damn if you lost your virginity at fourteen or if you were the president in high school. Wanna know the fucking truth? There is no such thing as the right person. People leave. They change like ocean currents, they leave you with bruises in your calves. And you wanna know the fucking truth? You get better. You learn to love. You find God in between the cracks of a wall when you’re puking your limbs out. You wanna know the fucking truth? Go find it.
Get off my mind, give back my heart and get the fuck away from me